It started when I was driving to work on a Friday morning. Now that I think about...I'm pretty sure it was Friday, June 13th...did you hear me!? Friday the 13th! I should've known it'd be a bad day :)
(That was supposed to be funny!)
-----------------------------------------------------------
You are now entering my head and thoughts:
(7:30am) My boobs hurt really bad. I can't even move without them hurting! Why do my boobs hurt so freaking bad!? When was my last period? Eh, it's always crazy. Although....Sunday, Monday....last Friday...hmmm...when was my last period? I don't think I had one the entire month of May. I think I would've remembered having cramps at Christian's graduation...or all those parties we went to. That's weird. I think I'm late. I think I'm really, REALLY late. There's no way I could be pregnant though. People have to try really hard. For months, or even years and it takes lots of patience and work. I'll just grab some pregnancy tests to prove to my boobs that they're just being annoying.
(8:00am) I'll work for an hour and drink lots of water and then take the tests.
(9:00am) So I pee on this....okay, now it says to wait 3 minutes. Okay, well, I will wash my hands while I wait....what? Why are there 2 solid lines? It's only been 20 seconds. That's weird. Oh, but 2 lines, okay, you dumb boobs, I knew I wasn't pregnant. I should get back to work. I'll just grab this box of un-used tests and save them for the future. Wait? This box says that 2 lines is pregnant. I thought 2 lines was NOT pregnant. I'm confused. Oh....it's cause I haven't waited the full 3 minutes. Scared myself for a second! Okay, 3 minutes later and I still have 2 BRIGHT RED lines. I must've done that wrong. Let me take another one. Come on pee, work for me. Okay, this time I will wait the full 3 minutes. Why is a second line appearing already again!? I JUST peed on this. What is going on? These must be faulty tests...right? Oh no! I can't be pregnant. I don't want to be pregnant! This can't be real life! I can't breathe...oh no, I can't breathe! I need out of this bathroom.
----------------------------------------------------------
At this point, I started shaking and I was having a hard time breathing. As I went back into the kitchen, Brooke happened to be standing in the doorway. She could tell something was wrong and I immediately headed back to the bathroom and told her to come with me. I couldn't talk, but my test was laying there in the open. She hugged me and told me to calm down and breathe. She said it would all be okay. We walked back to my desk and I think I started crying at this point. Lindsay happened to come into the store and asked me what was wrong. I told her I thought I might be pregnant and then showed her the tests. She said, "Oh, you ARE pregnant!" And then she hugged me and was so excited and kept saying it was a good thing and that she was so happy for me. She told me I had nothing to be worried or scared about. Then she told me to get out of the store and go tell Christian!
After I calmed myself down, I worked the rest of my shift and kept thinking how excited Christian was going to be. He's always wanted a baby. Then I started feeling guilty. I've had many friends struggle with infertility and here I am, not trying hard at all to get pregnant, and now I'm having a baby? I felt so selfish and guilty for not being excited about finding out for the first time that I am pregnant.
Before I left the store, I took some "Father's Day" goodies from the shop to give to Christian to tell him. When he got home, we were running late to go out with Jade and Russell, so Christian hurried and took a shower and got ready. While he was showering, I set the Father's day sodas and cupcakes, along with a baby naming book and the 3 tests on the countertop. I didn't know how to tell him, so I wanted him to just figure it out. Before we left, I told him to look at the stuff I brought home. It's not unusual for me to bring home treats from the store, so he assumed it was leftover merchandise. He wasn't getting it. So I pointed directly to the tests and he started jumping up and down like a crazy person and screaming like I've never heard. Then he kept saying, "Are you serious!? Are you serious!?" He was so excited and screamed for a solid 3 minutes. I was on the ground laughing at one point because he had tears streaming down his face but he was kind of laughing, and screaming. Between my own laughter, I said, "I can't tell if you're laughing or crying." Neither could he, but it was definitely the best reaction I have ever seen from him.
After I saw how happy Christian was, I realized I had nothing to be worried or scared about. I would have the most awesome dad-to-be by my side for this entire experience. I really am excited for a little poop to join us. Out of pure selfishness, I'm really excited to be entertained, and laugh at the funny stuff he/she will say someday.
